shakes..shakes...shakes... eh.. think and creamy?...

Refreshing, quenching, and yummy.

Words I have dreams about. Words I have not used to describe in months. Seems to me years, but not really...

Biting into an apple, mmm. Drinking a strawberry lemonade... biting into a piece of pizza.

Okay I think I am officially delirious now.

My REALITY is pain, swelling, mucus. So much mucus the last few days, its so green and mixed with blood. I am sick of the nasty taste in my mouth and feeling so gross all the TIME.

As far as my weight, I've lost about 35lbs. and some people are like WOW geeze you look so GREAT, makes me feel like I was such a fatass. I DO feel a lot better about myself as far as what I look like. I am going to make a big effort to keep it off. B is getting us gym membership tomorrow, so I can be on the road.

My taste buds are coming back, SLOWLY but surely.

...

Christmas was nice, I didn't spend as much time as I would have liked with my parents on Christmas. I will make an effort to go and see them again, or maybe they'll come here. I missed just relaxing with them on Christmas stories in front of the tree...

Struggling lately with eating and trying to get off my pain pills. Doing pretty good, got sick yesterday and had to take the last of my methadone. Today I have been feeling great, started out with a yummy chocolate shake that gave me tons of energy and made my tummy feel full. I also noticed that I had no burning in my mouth or stinging down my throat. Nice. I feel different everday its frustrating for things to be going so slow and that somedays are better than others. Instead of just up and up and up. Oh well. It is what it is... my most used phrase to date. I had a few bites of Yesi's rice and some Agua de Jamiaca and Horchata. Been trying to relax and take it easy...

Update

Struggling to eat. I am at this point just hoping to be able to eat by Christmas. I have these sores that sting like crazy when I try to eat anything. My tongue is so covered by white goo I tried to eat some noodles and they tasted like play-do. Gotta keep it up though, food is my healing friend.

Belen Showing Yesi How to Play a Game

The Girl's Gingerbread House!

A little worse...

A bit more pain today, sore throat and pain on my back left jaw. I finally showered after resting all morning at about 1pm. Got to doctor's appointment by 4 and he said he is ok with me staying off blood pressure medication however he wants me to check it weekly (asked me to get one of those machine things) and re-sheduled to see me in 1 month. As far as my eczema gave me a Rx. The whole family got a christmas tree and then we checked out a gym. A really decently priced one. Picked up some movies and groceries and headed home. Things are starting to feel more normal. I LOVE IT!

...Thinking about starting to work from home sometime soon... we'll see.

Whoohoo!

Doing so much better today. Ate an entire yogurt today! So nice to try something different, my mouth even looks better. Less thrush stuff all over the place and way less mucus! Felling so happy. I do have eczema everywhere. I have a doctors appointment with my regular doctor tomorrow so I'll ask him for some cream. We took girls to take pictures at JcPenney with Ryan's girls too. It was fun, Yesenia is a natural at taking pictures. Belen of course is a professional. After the pictures we took them to Santa and took pictures there in the mall. So cute! Then Belen mailed her letter to Santa at Macy's. She is so awesome she wrote him a letter not asking for stuff but instead telling him how much she liked him and drew him a picture.

After that we came home and I NAPPED. I hope this is it up and up and up.

:)

Rough Day

Well I have been in pain all day. Throat is raw and there is so much mucus! I threw up at RiteAid getting my protein powder. Geeze, embarrassing! I tried not to cry, but its so hard. I create more mucus and my mouth burns when I cry. Tonight my tongue's left side is bleeding. I am frustrated but officially my 10 day peak is tomorrow. I am hoping things get better quickly, but am reminding myself to be patient. I'd like to eat something real and TASTE it! :)

Wednesday

I was brushing Belen's hair and she kept sneezing and then told me, " I think I'm allergic to tangles." SO FUNNY!

Today I stayed home all day and had a 5 hour nap! All day I've had pain when I swallow. I've been able to brush my teeth really well lately. Feels great to be able to clean them, even floss.

I got a little queazy towards the end of the day. I actually almost threw-up, I have a sensitive gag reflex. There is just so much mucus going down my throat! I am using several different kinds of mouthwashes to help though. Keeping my head up!

Doctor's appointment today

I met with radiation doctor today, he was thrilled to see me feeling so much better. He is making me an appointment for physical therapy and he wants to see my face hydrated more. He says that it will heal up nicely if I keep it covered lotion. Went over medication that I'm taking. He said the nicest thing to Yesi, he told her she has a very strong mom and if she knew that :) I asked him if my mouth would still be getting worse and he said nope it just going to get better and better. I was so happy to hear that. I've been eating a little and drinking a lot. (Green tea) The nurse mentioned getting some protein powder to add to drinks because that is key to healing. I also will be seeing him again in 2 months, or sooner if I have questions or issues.

I took a long nap today with Yesi 3 hours! So nice. The girls have been sleeping in our bed and I love it! They are my strength. I've been helping with the kids and warming up food, but mostly resting. Brandon won't let me do much :) Can't complain.

Ahhh...

I just got back from Walmart and the mall, well an hour ago, and it was great. My legs are aching a little, but it feels great. I had a huge nap this morning so I had plenty of energy. My mouth is pretty sore now. So I am just sipping on my lifeline Arizona Green Tea with honey. I don't think I could live without that stuff. Water stings! I get a nice soothing effect from the honey. Time to relax, putting my feet up as we speak. Brandon unloaded the whole car and put stuff away. So nice.

I have a Doctor's appointment tomorrow with the Radiologist. He mentioned some physical therapy massage to decrease the swelling in my face. It's weird. My face is hot and it feels tight and swollen. Hopefully I'll get to go, AKA my insurance will pay. They are the worst company, they didn't pay for my methadone in liquid form only pills! Brandon thankfully bought it for me. Grrr insurance companies are awful with cancer, especially mine. They wouldn't pay for PET scan, my nausea medication, and nutritionist visit. My liquid medication and ... well you get the point.

Anyway, here's to a good day! whohoo

Home Sweet HOME!

Mom came up and helped so much. Gave B a break. He totally amazes me in his ability to handle everything. Kids, house, and me. Thank gosh I am home. I am trying to help as much as I can, at least with kids. I have no energy to clean yet. Tomorrow B is taking me to walk. My legs are WEAK. My methadone is working good, I also used some lidocain. That helped tremendously. My tongue feels like it's inside out.

It's supposed to peak at 10 days... we shall see. So far so... okay

LAST NIGHT IN HOSPITAL!

I'm outta here in the morning! They unhooked me from my food line, and I'm only on liquid methadone so... time to go! Finally I have been here it seems for forever. I miss my kids, B and my house.

Kinda nervous about this hose coming back out of my arm(my pick line), but it was well worth it. They took blood and they took it often. It's still hurting me and is super sore, so I can't wait to get it out. My whole body is weak, I can't wait to start walking and rebuilding some muscle. My mouth is still pretty tender it's frustrating because when I'm not in pain I think I can eat anything. Yeah right. But, healing here I come!

Hospital SINCE FRIDAY!

Yup, I am still here. I was way too low on fluids and wasn't eating so... they admitted me. It was really rough at first I had to get a pick line in me, so I get my fluids, pain medication, and food through that. WOW! Did it hurt to get put in it's like internal tubing. It's actually so helpful though, I don't have to get poked anymore, which of course is tough for me anyway (they never can find my veins) and since I am so dehydrated it's worse. After that they hooked me up to morphine and a gave me that button to hit. I was ok for a few days, but then they changed the medication to oral morphine. Yikes! Tossed my cookies for hours, they tried a pain patch and same results. So... back to original setting of IV morphine. My face is so dark burnt and rough. It hurts to swallow, but I was able to complete my last 2 sessions of radiation therapy here at the hospital, Deaconess.

I am at this point the most comfortable I've been ever! Today I have been put on liquid methadone and I am on cloud 9. I'm able to drink more and am going to order some food in a bit. :) Doctor said maybe I can go home on Monday. I'm hoping sooner. Heal, heal, heal.

Back to the IV's

Looks like this will be a daily thing for the next few weeks. Today was awful I had to get 4 pokes before they could find a vein. With all the throwing up and my famous hard to find veins anyway, they had a horrible time. I have bruises and super sore skin. I balled on the first one so hard the lady was literally stabbing around searching for vein. Eh... Finally got it in on 4th try and they are keeping it in until Wednesday to avoid the MESS. Morphine hit me hard today, but I helped overall. I got steroids and any nausea fluids and morphine.
They prescribed me so more thrush medication and a nausea patch since my last prescription is STILL to be filled for lack of apprival. I love my state care. No you don't really need that they say. B called to see how much it would be $1000 bucks for the bottle. W O W. Anyway I was able to a few minutes ago drink a chocomil with one pain pill. I hope it helps! So far no nausea... (fingers crossed) They had to bring in another nurse to find vein and she couldn't get it in 2 spots so then the original nurse got it in on my hand and she said," ahh thank Jesus sometimes I do that with these really though calls." If they couldn't get it in I can't get any pain relief. They are considering putting a pick in my arm. They do in a short extended period at the hospital, so they don't have to keep stabbing me over and over. Sigh, whatever helps I tell them. I'm at 136lbs. 16 more to not be considered overweight. And I still feel so much smaller.

Tossing my cookies...wait I haven't ate a cookie since early October!

Been sick since yesterday afternoon. I asked the nurse for a anti-nausea medicine she called it in. The pharmacy called me back and said they need special approval from my insurance so it may be awhile. Within the next hour I cannot stop puking. I can't hold a thing down (water, pain meds, and even tea). I finally stopped at 1:30 AM, was able to sleep. Being off of all pain medication my mouth was on fire, the vomit is so very harmful to my mouth sores. NOT FUN. B just rubbed my back and gave me lots of napkins to wipe up. He was so supportive. I started to cry towards the end of the night, it's just so darn painful and it reeks havoc on your body which convulses over and over again. I just want to be done.

Went to bed finally, woke up at 1pm and showered so slowly I have absolutely zero energy. I went to the bathroom number 2 that was good. Then I threw up another 3 times while getting ready to go to radiation. Got there they checked my vitals my pulse was high, blood pressure ok. Doctors decided to admit me into the chemotherapy suite, to get fluids, morphine, and 2 types of nausea medication. All of that given through an IV. Before that I completed my regular radiation therapy. The IV hurt like crazy, but all the relief after made it totally worth it. I was loopy the whole day, got home slept until 9pm.

I am slowly sipping my tea. Thinking about my crazy day. I am nervous, I know this is bad but according to my docs the worse pain peaks 10 days after I am done with radiation. Not looking forward to that, but when that happens I will truly know it's gotten as bad as it will get now here comes my sweet relief!

9 more sessions to go!

I almost done with radiation! My last day is December 1st, unless I double up on a day. I am hurting SO much more lately it feels like there are cuts all over my tongue now. Shakes are harder to get down now. I am taking 1 oxycodone every 3 hours to help out with pain. I haven't doubled up yet, I'd feel way to loopy. It freaks me out to be that out of it. My hair has fallen out in back more, especially on right side. Skin on my face is dark, burnt, and peeling. It's also pretty itchy. Here are some photos. . . . ALMOST THERE!

Went to the LION KING!

It was amazing. No amazing isn't enough, MAGICAL. I cried and laughed and loved every minute of it. From the amazing costumes, beautiful singing, and incredible music. They had this wicked congo solo, that made me think of my dad. And the costumes where incredible mom would have loved that! The biggest shocker was how close our seats were, 6 rows from the front right in the middle! Man Brandon out did himself! It was a perfect evening, I wasn't hurting at all. I snuck in my green tea and took some meds 1/2 way through. We got a free gorgeous program and a hat with ticket purchase. Plus Brandon bought me a T-shirt! I am so incredibly thankful to have had this amazing experience in the midst of all this pain. SO HAPPY!

... sigh

I had a blast with my mom here, the week flew by. She came from Friday night until Thursday! It was so nice, my feet are baby soft and my family was overfed all week. Brandon was thrilled, great meals all day long. Brandon's family came up too, it was so nice. I felt very special having all these wonderful people come and visit me. Also my dad came on Wednesday and that was really great too I haven't seen him in awhile. They both got to see my radiation mask and the chamber room. They seemed pretty emotional about it, I can't imagine. If I saw my girls in something like that, it'd break my heart :/

I have been really sore the past few days, it hurts all the way down my throat. Hurts to swallow, this is new. I have had some tough nights, I wake up in terrible pain. I am on a break right now, the doctor recommended a 4 day weekend break from radiation so my tissues can heal. He said the next few weeks are going to be TOUGH. I also met with my original ear, nose, and throat doctor and he prescribed some extra thrush medication that dissolves on my tongue. They make me gag though. What doesn't at this point? :) Almost done. Almost done.

My MOMMIES here!

Life is good, my moms here.

I am doing pretty good, taking laxatives and pain pills. Currently eating some soup with oysters crackers. It kinda tastes like play-do :) all in all I am doing pretty ok. Doctor says I need to put more cream on my face its kinda dry. Its hot to the touch, similar to a sunburn. He also says its crunch time, and I may need a break sometime soon. A four day weekend for my tissue to have some extra time to heal. Though they add the treatment day to the end of my treatment. It made me kind of nervous to hear it'll be getting worse here pretty soon.

I AM ready for this to be over, so let the CRUNCH begin...

Pain has Plateaued

Doing better, I can speak a little. I can eat some soup, and I stopped losing weight. I'm at 145 lbs. My skin is starting to peel and I have lost quite a bit of hair the last 2 days. But I have tons left, you can barely tell. Not that I care about that at all. I told B, "take the hair, less pain is worth all of it."

The last few days I have slept in until 1pm, that's pretty lazy. Its easy to sleep and mornings are more painful for some reason. I keep reminding myself not to clench my jaw it hurts after awhile. My mom will be here Friday, thank goodness. I miss being babied, and Brandon's Grandma and Aunt are coming Sunday. It will be a great weekend.

3 WEEKS LEFT! My last day of radiation will be the day before Thanksgiving!

Finally got some GOOD stuff...

I wasn't able to get ANY relief at all, but today the doc prescribed OXYCODONE and thank goodness... If I don't move my mouth SWEET relief. I want to cry I am so happy. RELIEF, some sweet RELIEF!

I'm kinda whoozy, but thats just cause I need to keep my fluids up and eat some more. Well not EAT but drink some more(shakes). I weighed 149 at doc today, I lost 4lbs. since Wed. I feel better today though, showered and am on my 2nd shake today already. So...

My boss today sent me an email saying not to worry about work and focus on my health. I had to stop working already. So nice of him, but it'll be tough $ wise. I was hoping to work a little longer. But he's right HEALTH first.

...ugh!

So today, was tough. Took the day off work, not sure if I can work (even from home). I was able to drink a instant carnation breakfast that's all I have ate today. So hungry but everything hurts. Putting a straw in my mouth hurts. Now, my mouth is bleeding on the sides. I think the sores have ruptured, or some mess. Of course this does wonders for my pain. (sigh) I can't wait for this nightmare to end.

OMG... this H U R T S!

I had no idea, 3 days later. I can't eat a thing. I mean water stings my mouth! Using a straw, that helps. But I am in a constant state of hunger. I lost 5lbs. this week, nurse says I need to keep up my calories, or ... feeding tube in my tummy. Hmm that sounds fun! So I bought some rice crispy cereal, choked some down. (thank you Brandon) Magic Mouthwash helps for about an hour, I can use it up to 8 times a day... so this SUCKS! I can't talk, I can't rest, and I have no energy! My mouth feels like someone lit a fire in it, food tastes like it has a ton of pepper on it. But I know its going to get worse, so. . . suck it up!

Nurse Says...

Narcotics for the pain. And get that mouthwash she says. Rite Aid had to forward Rx to different pharmacy, something about making the compound. The new pharmacy hasn't called yet, the nurse said the compound has some sort of numbing component. I want to wait a bit to start the heavy stuff, but... I may change my tune pretty soon.

Went to Olive Garden for lunch... yummy! Soup, Salad, and Breadsticks! Poresita.

Owee...

So dinner... looked good but I can't eat now. My mouth is so sore, today worse than yesterday. Ugh cooked chicken in the oven, potatoes, and stove top. My tummy is growling since I could barely choke down the stove top. So the tears came, but Brandon has been so supportive. He tells me he is here for me and that there are so many prayers being said, it will get better (eventually says the silence) Everything tastes like it needs salt or sugar or chile something... Drinking some hot chocolate it tastes like warm water... at least it help the soreness ;) Silver lining

My plan is to talk symptoms over with nurse tomorrow and see what they recommend.

Belen's Fall Festival

******************************************************************************

Went out Friday night (after colonoscopy) with the girls and B to Belen's Fall Festival at her school's lunchroom. I wasn't feeling great, but I REALLY wanted to go. . . popped some pills and we had a blast!

Belen was dying to be catwoman again, so funny! She didn't want a new outfit no matter what we offered. She looked great!

Yesi picked hers out at Target, Bumble Bee. SUPER cute! She got to play some games and Belen kinda ditched us for her friends :) We kept a good eye on her though (well mostly Brandon did, most of those kids are taller than I am).

Brandon was a Mexican American, with a Mexico zarape and a Uncle Sam hat! So funny. . . he got some looks!

I just threw on a pair of butterfly wings, a black top, sneakers, and jeans. COMFY!

Pre-Colonoscopy/Colonoscopy...and RADIATION

Thursday/Friday

Boo! I spend the whole prep day, with a fever not able to eat any solids AND I threw up the lemon magnesium nitrate or whatever it was called. YUCK! Horrible. Anyway once I started the drink it was so disgusting and it was lemon too! I finally choked it all down by 2AM. I mixed it with white grape juice(which I can never drink again!) Anyway I got about an hour of sleep, woke up went to colonoscopy at 6:45am, went good. I DO NOT have crohn's disease! They want me to meet back with my doctor about Breshets(sp?) I have not even googled that yet... I'll worry about that when it my appointment comes up.

After the colonoscopy I went to Radiation it was ok, it turns out I have the beginning of thrush, and my throat is pretty sore from radiation. My tongue feels coated and rough, there is little taste to things anymore, and I have a good saliva flow(thanks doc!) but my tongue feels dry. There are small sores all around my mouth now, mostly under my tongue, that make it difficult to move my tongue around too much. I am staying super hydrated, its hard to get hungry though. The on-call doctor at NWCC said the fever(101 degrees) is just bad luck, nothing to do with radiation. A virus in the mix of all the expected effects of what they are doing. Lucky. Well the prescribed something called "magic mouthwash" sounds delicious ;) I've got to wait till tuesday to get Rx filled, pharmacy needs to order ingredients. *sigh

Happy Birthday to ME!

Birthday went GREAT! Lunch with Brandon and Yesi at Casa de Oro. Yummy shrimp. Then dinner at Peking North with B's mom and grandma and step dad. So relaxing as for presents best one ** TICKETS TO THE LION KING! Oh yeah! I am so excited and thankful. Brandon got them for us and we are making a whole night of it. I felt so special and appreciative. I even got my Birthday song after all from my Dad, making the day perfect. It was the finishing touch on a beautiful perfect day.

**sigh

My parents and sister came this weekend! SO great I needed it so much! We went for a birthday lunch after Belen's game. So relaxing then we came back home and my mom gave my a super tootsy massage! Greatest gift ever. I feel rejuvenated. I get a break from worrying and get to be pampered who doesn't love that!

It just started pouring outside. I love the rain...

Day 1

It was able not to think about radiation today too much. Then on the way to appointment I could feel my heart racing. Meeting B there, I thought to myself. It'll be ok, gosh the loneliness that must overwhelm people when they do this alone. I am so fortunate, during the treatment I started to really freak out and cry, I have this mask all around my face snapped to the table. I can barely see, have a large mouth piece in and a teeth guard. Its so hard not to think about whats happening outside of you. Coming from 7 directions, says the therapy guy... 7 directions I thought it was going to be more localized. Then after I had to meet with the nurse, get a wash that assists with dry mouth you actually use it from beginning of treatment. She also gave me aloe vera gel and emu oil. Nice to get some natural stuff. She gave me the run down again of side effects to expect. Same as before. . . Don't want to get it to them in detail today.

When she asked about questions, I asked her about what areas where being exposed. She clarified then came back and it turns out its a full 360 degrees, under nose all the way around to top of my neck. I was floored. I thought the affected area was smaller than that, just my left side. Ugh... more sores, thickening of tissue, and area sunburned. Unfortunately B had to pick up Belen before that so I was alone. I cried all the way to car. I mean I know I need this. Heck I know I'll beat this. But, sometimes it just a bit much.

I got to cleaning ASAP at home, it helps me. I haven't used the wash yet, I need to. . .

And so it BEGINS...

So... Thursday it is! Ahh THURSDAY! Seems so soon, too soon. Every time people ask about radiation I say, Oh in a few weeks. Now ... well its GO time. 2:10pm M-F for 6 weeks? or was it 8? Ugh I hope 6. Doctor was very nice, asked multiple times if I had any questions. I also meet with him weekly once treatment begins. So he can be monitoring side effects, seeing the whites of my eyes he says. B said something really sweet on the way out of appointment, about me taking the right steps to get healthy for family. It helped me stop crying. Scared.

Got home to kids and they are just too funny. They are worth everything and more.

Just Got back... SOCCER GAME!!

Got home and bundled up the kids for Belen's soccer game. 40degrees... yikes. The sun was out so that helped, and Honey joined us! It was fun, Belen scored!

Naps, Tortillas, and R&R...

Ahh home sweet home...

So I went home this Friday so nice! I needed it. It felt like I recharged my batteries. Dad was sick, so here he is with his SARS mask making some lunch :)

...Uh Crohn's disease?

So.. came back from an appointment with a specialist, and the latest is ....(drum roll) Crohn's disease likely and colonoscopy a guarantee.

Uh, when it rains it pours? Eh, I got nothing. At first I was crying and feeling oh so sorry for myself. Woe is me. . . but after talking to B I felt much better. Things suck, true but I can't change that immediately. I can get on the road to recovery, though I thought I already was. . . Hmm guess I'm driving a hummer down this road, there are some big 'ol speed bumps.

Here is quote that I really like, and it fits:

“I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.” -Walter Anderson

Whohoo!!

It's about time! I am an official ALUMNI!

Eh...

So as my months are filling up with appointments, I am getting pretty blue. My blood pressure has been high lately, the worse was when I was under for my wisdom teeth fiasco. The nurses recommend I have it checked, because it didn't stabilize while I was completely sedated. I have monitored it every time I go to Rite Aid (which is often) and it's pretty high. So I finally made an appointment and went to doc today and it was high again. Not excessive, but enough to have to have blood work done, and my doctor started me on meds for it. Lisinopril. Ugh...

Radiologist office(Dr. Lee) called this morning he wants to meet with me before we start radiation... I am starting to feel pretty depressed... I guess I am just scared. I just really don't know how bad it will be. I joked with Brandon that with my luck, I will be sick during Thanksgiving the best meal the whole year... we laughed, and yet I wanted to cry. I guess sometimes things just suck, and well that's it. Things happen and we have to learn to deal, I keep thinking I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, and then all of a sudden the blue bug bites me on the ... tush.

I'm sure tomorrow will be better.

Monday

B, playing video games. Feeling a whole lot better! obviously... His brother came over. They look hilarious one with leg surgery on crutches and the other shoulder surgery with a sling... a couple of gimps ;)

A slow weekend... finally!

Great day, laid back. The kids were at the lake Saturday and Sunday. Nice break. Cleaned the house like a mad woman! When they got home we went to Ming-wa's, so yummy. I love chinese food!

On the way we ran out of gas, and had to wait for B's mom to help us out.... Ah so fun.... Yesi was all, "all the other cars are leaving us!"

Doctor and Soccer...

Went to doctor's appointment today for Brandon, looks like physical therapy asap and 6-8 weeks of being in a cast. B was surprised and not too thrilled...

Yesenia met a "real" friend at Belen's soccer practice, as opposed to Angie her imaginary one. This little girl is 3 too, named Sofia.

It was funny because Yesi doesn't really share very well and she asked the little girl to play with

her, kicking a soccer ball around, as I watched her play the little girl didn't kick the ball once. Eventually she abandoned chasing Yesenia around the field and Yesenia was so sad. I explained to her how imp

ortant it is to share and people want to play with kids that are nice and share thier toys. So Yesenia went and asked her to play again, she said no twice. Eventually (when Yesi handed her the ball) they played kicking it back and forth. Yesenia kept running to me yelling, "it's working mom it's working!" It was so cute... Here are some pics.

Enjoying a quick bite to eat, before the Belen's first game of the season. Yesi got a brainfreeze, so funny. She rubs her teeth.

Couple pictures of Belen's game. She scored a goal! So excited :)

Oh yeah!

So nice, I had a 3 hour nap! I can see the light at the end of tunnel. Hanging out today with B and helping out. The kids went to the fair with Brandon's mom. They are so excited, I am thrilled they were able to go with everything going on I knew we couldn't take them.

Brandon is feeling stronger, this morning he tossed his cookies a few times, but is doing a whole lot better now. Just got home with donuts and milkshakes for my recovering patient. Some killer sweet tooth he has!

Long Long Long ... day.

Head pounding and whole body aches... haven't had much sleep. In the last 2 days had 6-7 hours of sleep total, so so so exhausted. Great that tomorrow is Friday! B has been so much better today, I told his mom he is moving around more and cussing less so we are on the road to recovery!

Even made dinner... finally. Chicken enchiladas with rice. I think I even nailed the rice recipe 3 years later ;)

Is it only Wednesday?

Wow today has been a DOOZY! Last night I'd say I had a total of 2 hours of sleep. Up and down all night helping B out, then up at 5:30am and to work by 7am. I was almost out of pain pills, so I cut back. Ouch! My face is still burning up at night, swelled up looking a little more chipmunky this morning. Brandon's mom coming in the mornings to help and I come home about lunch. Got home at about 12 and tried to sleep, but no dice. B needs something every hour. I feel like I am a crappy nurse, who keeps getting told how to do something but doesn't get it. I am trying my best, but Brandon and I are arguing which isn't good for either of us. I am still healing and hurting and I know he is in agony. These are my rational thoughts in print, my emotions got worked out with a phone call to mom :)

Doctor appointment at 4 went great, my jaw bone biopsy is normal. Finally some good news! Then doctor said that I can begin radiation therapy in 2 weeks. Fear sunk in. . .I guess I am not as prepared as I thought I would be to get started. I just keep thinking, "but I'll be sick over holidays." "My Birthday is next month!" But then thoughts set in like, "well how about we wait until late January of next year and hope it doesn't kill you by then." ... Ok, true. Let's get this over with and get better already.

Belen had her 1st soccer practice today. I love her coach! It's all drills and real coaching. He even brought them water and snacks. Belen is so excited. She fell blocking a kick, but jumped up ready for action. I love her spirit. Yesi is getting sick she has a runny nose and felt really warm. Gave her some OJ and put her to bed early, poor thing.

Feliz Día de la Independencia!

B's Surgery!

SO... I'm on the other end this time. Brandon just had his 3rd shoulder surgery today. Ouch! It went great Doc says that he is really optimistic about results. It seems Brandon's tissue looks really great and it couldn't have gone better. So that's wonderful. Brandon is laying down, relaxing. Also being pretty demanding and grumpy, but hey anyone they prescribed morphine to outta be!

I'm hurting like crazy today, sore sore sore. But I only have a hydro and a half left... !!?? What they heck happened? I keep trying not to take them, but the pain is still really bad. I want to ask for a refill at my doctor's appointment tomorrow, but I don't want to seem like a fiend. Nights are the worst... NOT looking forward to it. Plus I have to give B his meds every 4 hours, so I won't be sleeping too good anyway!

Got some great shots of B, hope he doesn't mind sharing! (Before and After)

Back to Work!

Aww... man. Back to the grind! So I slept horribly, my face seems to be on fire at night. It kept me up, plus it's difficult to keep up on meds while trying to sleep. Work was nice, everyone is so great there. I am truly lucky to work at such a understanding place. I asked for some time off tomorrow (even though I just got back) for Brandon's shoulder surgery and they said yes. Didn't even have to say anything about why or when I would need to leave. They truly trust my judgement and me to do my job. It means a lot to work somewhere you're respected.

I'm thinking of cooking some Sopa de Camaron... and choking down some bread...

Some Fun!

On the lighter side of things. Brandon and I went to the Spokane Arena Rumble Saturday night. Watched some cage fights, it was awesome. We were only 4 rows away from the cage. Lots of knock-outs! Got some good pictures...