Finally got some GOOD stuff...

I wasn't able to get ANY relief at all, but today the doc prescribed OXYCODONE and thank goodness... If I don't move my mouth SWEET relief. I want to cry I am so happy. RELIEF, some sweet RELIEF!

I'm kinda whoozy, but thats just cause I need to keep my fluids up and eat some more. Well not EAT but drink some more(shakes). I weighed 149 at doc today, I lost 4lbs. since Wed. I feel better today though, showered and am on my 2nd shake today already. So...

My boss today sent me an email saying not to worry about work and focus on my health. I had to stop working already. So nice of him, but it'll be tough $ wise. I was hoping to work a little longer. But he's right HEALTH first.

...ugh!

So today, was tough. Took the day off work, not sure if I can work (even from home). I was able to drink a instant carnation breakfast that's all I have ate today. So hungry but everything hurts. Putting a straw in my mouth hurts. Now, my mouth is bleeding on the sides. I think the sores have ruptured, or some mess. Of course this does wonders for my pain. (sigh) I can't wait for this nightmare to end.

OMG... this H U R T S!

I had no idea, 3 days later. I can't eat a thing. I mean water stings my mouth! Using a straw, that helps. But I am in a constant state of hunger. I lost 5lbs. this week, nurse says I need to keep up my calories, or ... feeding tube in my tummy. Hmm that sounds fun! So I bought some rice crispy cereal, choked some down. (thank you Brandon) Magic Mouthwash helps for about an hour, I can use it up to 8 times a day... so this SUCKS! I can't talk, I can't rest, and I have no energy! My mouth feels like someone lit a fire in it, food tastes like it has a ton of pepper on it. But I know its going to get worse, so. . . suck it up!

Nurse Says...

Narcotics for the pain. And get that mouthwash she says. Rite Aid had to forward Rx to different pharmacy, something about making the compound. The new pharmacy hasn't called yet, the nurse said the compound has some sort of numbing component. I want to wait a bit to start the heavy stuff, but... I may change my tune pretty soon.

Went to Olive Garden for lunch... yummy! Soup, Salad, and Breadsticks! Poresita.

Owee...

So dinner... looked good but I can't eat now. My mouth is so sore, today worse than yesterday. Ugh cooked chicken in the oven, potatoes, and stove top. My tummy is growling since I could barely choke down the stove top. So the tears came, but Brandon has been so supportive. He tells me he is here for me and that there are so many prayers being said, it will get better (eventually says the silence) Everything tastes like it needs salt or sugar or chile something... Drinking some hot chocolate it tastes like warm water... at least it help the soreness ;) Silver lining

My plan is to talk symptoms over with nurse tomorrow and see what they recommend.

Belen's Fall Festival

******************************************************************************

Went out Friday night (after colonoscopy) with the girls and B to Belen's Fall Festival at her school's lunchroom. I wasn't feeling great, but I REALLY wanted to go. . . popped some pills and we had a blast!

Belen was dying to be catwoman again, so funny! She didn't want a new outfit no matter what we offered. She looked great!

Yesi picked hers out at Target, Bumble Bee. SUPER cute! She got to play some games and Belen kinda ditched us for her friends :) We kept a good eye on her though (well mostly Brandon did, most of those kids are taller than I am).

Brandon was a Mexican American, with a Mexico zarape and a Uncle Sam hat! So funny. . . he got some looks!

I just threw on a pair of butterfly wings, a black top, sneakers, and jeans. COMFY!

Pre-Colonoscopy/Colonoscopy...and RADIATION

Thursday/Friday

Boo! I spend the whole prep day, with a fever not able to eat any solids AND I threw up the lemon magnesium nitrate or whatever it was called. YUCK! Horrible. Anyway once I started the drink it was so disgusting and it was lemon too! I finally choked it all down by 2AM. I mixed it with white grape juice(which I can never drink again!) Anyway I got about an hour of sleep, woke up went to colonoscopy at 6:45am, went good. I DO NOT have crohn's disease! They want me to meet back with my doctor about Breshets(sp?) I have not even googled that yet... I'll worry about that when it my appointment comes up.

After the colonoscopy I went to Radiation it was ok, it turns out I have the beginning of thrush, and my throat is pretty sore from radiation. My tongue feels coated and rough, there is little taste to things anymore, and I have a good saliva flow(thanks doc!) but my tongue feels dry. There are small sores all around my mouth now, mostly under my tongue, that make it difficult to move my tongue around too much. I am staying super hydrated, its hard to get hungry though. The on-call doctor at NWCC said the fever(101 degrees) is just bad luck, nothing to do with radiation. A virus in the mix of all the expected effects of what they are doing. Lucky. Well the prescribed something called "magic mouthwash" sounds delicious ;) I've got to wait till tuesday to get Rx filled, pharmacy needs to order ingredients. *sigh

Happy Birthday to ME!

Birthday went GREAT! Lunch with Brandon and Yesi at Casa de Oro. Yummy shrimp. Then dinner at Peking North with B's mom and grandma and step dad. So relaxing as for presents best one ** TICKETS TO THE LION KING! Oh yeah! I am so excited and thankful. Brandon got them for us and we are making a whole night of it. I felt so special and appreciative. I even got my Birthday song after all from my Dad, making the day perfect. It was the finishing touch on a beautiful perfect day.

**sigh

My parents and sister came this weekend! SO great I needed it so much! We went for a birthday lunch after Belen's game. So relaxing then we came back home and my mom gave my a super tootsy massage! Greatest gift ever. I feel rejuvenated. I get a break from worrying and get to be pampered who doesn't love that!

It just started pouring outside. I love the rain...

Day 1

It was able not to think about radiation today too much. Then on the way to appointment I could feel my heart racing. Meeting B there, I thought to myself. It'll be ok, gosh the loneliness that must overwhelm people when they do this alone. I am so fortunate, during the treatment I started to really freak out and cry, I have this mask all around my face snapped to the table. I can barely see, have a large mouth piece in and a teeth guard. Its so hard not to think about whats happening outside of you. Coming from 7 directions, says the therapy guy... 7 directions I thought it was going to be more localized. Then after I had to meet with the nurse, get a wash that assists with dry mouth you actually use it from beginning of treatment. She also gave me aloe vera gel and emu oil. Nice to get some natural stuff. She gave me the run down again of side effects to expect. Same as before. . . Don't want to get it to them in detail today.

When she asked about questions, I asked her about what areas where being exposed. She clarified then came back and it turns out its a full 360 degrees, under nose all the way around to top of my neck. I was floored. I thought the affected area was smaller than that, just my left side. Ugh... more sores, thickening of tissue, and area sunburned. Unfortunately B had to pick up Belen before that so I was alone. I cried all the way to car. I mean I know I need this. Heck I know I'll beat this. But, sometimes it just a bit much.

I got to cleaning ASAP at home, it helps me. I haven't used the wash yet, I need to. . .

And so it BEGINS...

So... Thursday it is! Ahh THURSDAY! Seems so soon, too soon. Every time people ask about radiation I say, Oh in a few weeks. Now ... well its GO time. 2:10pm M-F for 6 weeks? or was it 8? Ugh I hope 6. Doctor was very nice, asked multiple times if I had any questions. I also meet with him weekly once treatment begins. So he can be monitoring side effects, seeing the whites of my eyes he says. B said something really sweet on the way out of appointment, about me taking the right steps to get healthy for family. It helped me stop crying. Scared.

Got home to kids and they are just too funny. They are worth everything and more.

Just Got back... SOCCER GAME!!

Got home and bundled up the kids for Belen's soccer game. 40degrees... yikes. The sun was out so that helped, and Honey joined us! It was fun, Belen scored!

Naps, Tortillas, and R&R...

Ahh home sweet home...

So I went home this Friday so nice! I needed it. It felt like I recharged my batteries. Dad was sick, so here he is with his SARS mask making some lunch :)

...Uh Crohn's disease?

So.. came back from an appointment with a specialist, and the latest is ....(drum roll) Crohn's disease likely and colonoscopy a guarantee.

Uh, when it rains it pours? Eh, I got nothing. At first I was crying and feeling oh so sorry for myself. Woe is me. . . but after talking to B I felt much better. Things suck, true but I can't change that immediately. I can get on the road to recovery, though I thought I already was. . . Hmm guess I'm driving a hummer down this road, there are some big 'ol speed bumps.

Here is quote that I really like, and it fits:

“I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.” -Walter Anderson

Whohoo!!

It's about time! I am an official ALUMNI!